Podcast Episode 03: Harlow Harlow

EPISODE 03 : BRIAN KARPAS

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About Host Jolie Goodnight:

Jolie Goodnight is an international award winning burlesque headliner, jazz singer, and pioneer of the singing striptease of the Modern Burlesque Revival. Hailing back to the days of glitz and glamour, Goodnight has dazzled audiences around the world with classic fan dances and singing that Music News Magazine describes as, “if she sang the phone book to you it would sound sexy.” 

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Hey everyone, and welcome to maid of Star Dust. I'm your host, jolly good night, and this is a podcast about people who aspire to inspire. Each one of our guests has something special about them, a spirited spark to them that breathes life into the people they inspire. After all, that's what the word inspire originally meant, to breathe life into. This podcast a supported by listener support. So go to jolly good nightcom podcast to help keep made of star dust shooting for the stars. Get access to exclusive content every month and all the fun goodies in the name of all that is Hollywood. I am so excited about to day's guest, Brian Carpass they are a self described time traveling model and Starlit and millennial old movie nerd who loves to look at Classic Cinema through the Lens of a modern eye. Why I want you to know and totally fall in love with Brian is because of their technicolor sight on Instagram is them fatal and sound on the podcast vintage millennial. The moment you tune into this episode, I want you to open your phone and Feast your eyes on the Dreamy, gorgeous vintage re envisionings they create. My jaw dropped when I discovered them, because everything they do has the quintessential mix of drama and comedy, Retro and now, while taking you into a world you didn't even know you were missing yet and their take on how to live the fantasy that lives in your head. Your not even ready for this. Yay, hi, Brilyan, hi, how are you good? How are you? I can't complain. That's good, it's good. I Love Your Spot, I love your ad all your posters behind you. You Got Patsy back. Thank you. Yeah, I got it's like an original ad or poster, I don't know it. It's something original with like an APP for her, and I love Patsy. I Have Judy holiday, I have betty and then this is a funny girl poster. You can't really see all that. And then I got another Judy holiday. I got Josephine Baker, a little ceramic dog. That's the Nina Simon. So you got everybody. Yeah, I want like a very like I want to galery wall that says this is a lot but cohesive. That's clearly how I want bedroom to be. Honestly, to me, that is like I mean as minimal as you can get. Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm a maximalist. I like tried to pare it down in here a little bit. For anyone who's listening and not seeing. Both of us are in Giant Mansions, Alice has, Alice has, that are filled with the perfect amount of stuff. M Well, I'm so excited that you're joining me for made of star dust. I am gonna just totally admit for a SEC that when I first found you on Instagram, I was relieved. I don't know if that's like. I'm no, I was often that's me. That's typically the emotion that I don't evoke and people. Usually it's like the opposite. Usually people are like, oh my God, what the fuck this with those usual scream oh my God, I want this. I I had this like crazy thing in my head where I was going to recreate album covers from the s and s because, yeah, I'm a jazz singer or whatever, and I was like I'm totally going to do that, and I did one and it was really bad and I totally failed. Like my graphic design minor did not prepare me for it in anyway. I felt really proud of it at the moment, though, when I posted it and was like everyone's gonna love this, and then, like, I think it got maybe two or three likes, like in my whatever seven thousand follower world, and I was like, oh, that's and then I took another look and I was like, yeah, this is really bad actually, and then I found you on and I was like, Oh, thank God, this void is filled. I don't have to try to do this anymore because you do it so beautifully and so perfectly and I'm super excited because I'm already busy enough I don't want to have to try to do it, frankly. So I'm just so excited that you're doing it and you're doing it well. But for that haven't had the pleasure of finding you yet. Can you please kind of explain your world for a Sec Oh God, first of all, thank you for that. That really means a lot because I think you are an absolute dolll and, yes, I really do. I was talking to do fallow, Cassandra Selden, I don't think. I don't know. She's another vintage doll on instagram and I recently met up with her because I recently moved to New York and we were talking about, just like the summer two thousand and twenty. For some reason, for all of us on like you, are vintage Instagram, as we, I like say, dolls. We all seem to have found each other in that like time here, at that summer of two thousand and twenty, and it's been like a really beautiful flight tight community of like I feel like it's, like I would say, in the like you, and I would probably just list the same people like it. Just, yeah, repost and like, yeah, like, share US and like common and support, like. It's been a very nice thing. So, like that's when I like, you know, I believe, when I discovered youtube, when whoever, fallow each other first. So, yeah, it's just great my instagram world. Back to your question. The question, friends, for all those who don't know, I so my instagrate. Okay, so my instagram presence has been like a journey, I would say, and I've gone to a place where it's like exactly what I like, like what I want. You know, before I so I was like a very much just like I was much heavier than I was, still stunning, but like much heavier, and I couldn't fit into a law of the clothes I could wear. So by was always dressed always dressed up. So I was like and I wasn't as in tune with my non binary nests yet. So mine was very about like plus size gay mail, presenting like fashion with like a feminine twists, like we've never we've never even tried to act masculine. The most masculine I've ever the most masculine I've ever been, was like when I'm like, look at me, I'm wearing all black. I'm Johnny Cash. That's yeah, and that's mask. I wear black and I'm like, I walk the line high. And then I had gastric surgery and and lost a lot of the way. And when I lost all the way for me, I really started discovering myself, my gender identity, and through that I was able to realize I could not only fit into a lot more of the clothes that I always wanted to, but I could once. What was I gonna say? I could experiment more, I could see what I like and I started experimenting with how I can show off my waist, so I can do this and that. So my it went from being like that, like just strictly plus ice fashion too plus ice fashion with a much more queer edge, and then it's just kind of snowballed into being like very much like what you see now. And then during quarantine I was realizing like after a while. So this was the thing. My one pointing started. I realized, sorry, I'm rambling. I realized, oh no, ramble away. Yeah, I love it. I after it because this was thing. I decided I was going to do an instagram post a day, because that way I was going to get up, I was going to get showered, I was going to get shaved, I was going to get dressed, I was going to put on a lit I was gonna tied in my waist, so I had a blue line around my like Midstomach, like I was going to become a doll for a least an hour of my day and I was going cellbright that by posting on Instagram. Now, one thing I realized. I didn't realize until like a couple months later, that I was getting broke, like I was like broke like midway through every month because I was just buying and buying clothes, and then I realize I'm like one, where am I going to? I can't like I'm not like. I'm not married. I'm not married to an old man with oil tycoon money, many, many debility illnesses and all strange men from children yet so I can't spend like the way I honestly, I was just watching a documentary today about Anato call and she really is like the martyr. You know I mean dude, I always say. I always say I wish she had a friend like me, because I would then the one before she got married, to be like, Bitch, get your name in paper, don't put tape a quarter between your Ted eats. Your name in paper. Everything would have been fine. I'm just sorry I go on such a ranch about our Texas Queen. Completely understandable. Yeah, the first time I saw a picture of her, I was like, Oh, my body is cool. I was I one day, as I want on to do, got high and was sitting on my counsel list into music and just pondering the wonders, some mysteries of life, and it Dawna me. She is the first plus I supermodel. There was not a plus size model and her time, and by plus eyes I mean like fashion standers plus eye. Sure she was, you know, playmate of the year. She was the face of Gat she's honestly arguably the most iconic face of guests ever. She had a huge HM campaign in Europe. She then went on, you know, to do lating Brian and like a whole. But like she really I'm just saying an an, a goal and a Nicole was Anna Nicole. So Ashley Graham could be on Vogue. That's exact. That's that's right. You're so right. Yeah, one hundred percent. Oh, I remember. Oh, I remember. So I realize I needed to figure out a way to keep doing these instagrams a day because it was good for me, like mental health wise, just to have be active. I always called it it's like my knitting, like it just my escape for a couple hours of like putting on something and doing something. And then I was talking to fellow Instagram Doll, Jerry May James. Yeah, so do you so sweet? Yeah, like she she's so beautiful. I don't know her yet, but at this point I would call her like a good friend. We've talked like a lot ever since quarantine started, and I've got to meet her in person, but when I was in Ellen La, and she's literally the like most relaxed but like she just radiates such a calm, beautiful soul that at me, who's like a manic, but like a manic needs to make everyone laugh a minute kind of soul, it balances like yeah, sometimes one man's manic is another man's fun. Thank you. Just say, Oh, no, I am I've been that for many men, let me tell there we go all my life, first centuries. But we digress. I was talking to her and I was I've always loved how she edits her photos. She always has this like very dreamy like at it, and I asked her what she uses to at it and she told me this at called pixart would like to be sponsored, not yet, but one day maybe, and she I just was playing along with it and I realized how I could like edit these photos myself into these photos, and I just kept playing with it and I realized it looked good enough to post. And that's just how it what it is now is pretty much taking out some skinny bitch, taking out like Dovima's gorgeous ass and putting in my gorgeous ass to replace her and, you know, make myself the model, and it for me it's like I am now fully living the fantasy that I live in my head, and now the world can visually see my fantasy, which is I call myself a time traveling model and movie Starlett I always say with a giggle because I'm like that's a lot, but that's how I see myself and I get to show that through my instagram and you get a show what era speak to me the most. I get a show what kind of photography speaks to me. I get just, you know, share a little bit of my love for like I genuinely do like obsess over models. Like I have like a Naomi Campbell photo that I'm dying to recreate, and like that for me is exciting because, like one I know the fuck, I know the phollow, but I like I just want like she's one of my like when I'm walking down the streets of New York, I think I'm named me Campbell, like I think I'm that powerful and that like I like I try to carry that energy with me when I walk everywhere. So, like it's exciting for me to like recreate these photos and like I don't think these people are ever going to see them in a billion years, but like it's like my might, they might might but like small chance. But at the end of the day it's like I get to recreate like my heroes. I get to like kind of I don't know, it's just fun, it's just listen, I have a question. I'm so sorry to interrupt, but no, I've been talking a loss. Even this is like not even on my Dorky little question list for you, because, you know, the podcast is made of star dust, with the idea that we're all made of Stardust. Right, yeah, and every object, everything, everything is made a startist. So I have this theory that when you see someone or something that you're like, Oh, you are so my people, or this has to come home with me, or that is my pet or that, you know, whatever it is, my theory is that you are made of the same stars dust. Oh, I love that. I don't you know, I don't know. No, Nice, who knows? But like why not? No, I'm like a sorry. Well, so what I wondered when you said now, I mean Campbell, and that that's like how you feel when you walk down the street and you feel so connected to her. I wonder if maybe you'll share some of the same stars star dust. Maybe. I don't know. I I'm a big past lives believer. Believer, I believe that we have all lived many, many, many, many, many, many lives, and I think that that's how why there's certain people you meet and automatically you are you eat a good or bad your kid like you are like you know one, and I excuse me, I think that that's like the same kind of energy what you're saying, like yeah, there, we all are. Have these kind of star dust has connected. Certain stardust is connect to one for whatever reason. Yeah. Well, so when you were talking about your were, you know, these are the your how you envision yourself in the visions that you have of, you know, everything that you want. Are these the same visions that you had when you were a kid? Like, what did you want to be when you grew up? Oh, I wanted to be married on the row, like hands down boots. If you ask me when I was like that as a child, I probably would say I wouldn't say May Almon ro, but in my head and like Marilyn, like I want to be. I remember seeing, I remember the first time I ever watched Joan for blond's. I was like six and that was the very first time I ever watched her, ever saw her, and I mean look, I love Jane Russell, but you know, there's something just about her. When you're looking like you're like when she's on screen, you just can't help but look at her and whatever that emotion of folks. You just can't help that. And for me, looking at her at that age, I just was like this is all I want to be. I want to be funny, I want to be glamorous, I want to be beautiful, I wanted had men followed their feet for me, like I want, like yeah, I just wanted to be that. And I didn't really understand it, though, because I didn't want to be a woman. Like that was always something that like it was like a battle growing up being like, okay, I don't want to be a woman, but I don't like this whole man thing. This honest that honestly sounds stupid, if I may be frank. So yeah, that was always a constant. You know, that's so funny that we've like already arrived at Marilyn and Anna Nicole, both of these like why brant, bombshell light. They're both like whether or not even like blond or not. I mean I think the blond yeah, helps for sure, but I think it's more that these women like had this way of lighting up a room that they walked into and it was hard to take your eyes off of. And so what, like, if that was your vision is as a kid of Marilyn, what are all the things that you ended up doing? Like, I know about your instagram, but like what are the other parts of your life that you ended up kind of translating that into? I would say performing is probably a big thing. I haven't done it since quarantine, but like stand up was a really big thing for me. I have a theater background. I think that's really really where it translated to and I would love to. I had like my friends make fun of me now, because I would like if you bring this moment in my life up, I will immediately just get triggered and it's like it's amusing because it's a it's about theaed like it's like not getting apart. I didn't. So the story is my Sophomore Year of college, the fall musical was hairspray and I audition and got down to me and two other guys for the part of Edna, and this is like my dream role. This is the part. I was like, I am born to play this. I've been told P I remind people of Harvey Fire Seen since I was like a teenager, like I knew I got the end. When I left the audition, I was like crown me, like put the crown on my head now. And it was a great feeling too, because I was the only like at that point, the only non musical major who didn't like get that far, at least for that part, and I felt very out of place. But it's so it felt even more good. It felt like I was the jinks monsoon of this like of like I was the out of like it was that feeling. So they say that the castles is not going to come out till Monday. That was on a Friday. Next Day, Saturday. It's young Kapoor. I don't fast. Today I'm fast and I'm giving my I am saying sorry for all my sins. So I could get apart and I was honest with the Lord h but I was like, I'm not going to eat for you today because I want this part. So the day and he she he, they whatever. If there's a god, whatever, someone in the universe looked at that smiled and laughed and said okay, okay. So I didn't eat the whole day. Sundown comes, I go to get food, I check my email, the castles gives up. My name is not next to that and it really screwed with my head. And I found out later on from a friend that was working on the show that they were going to use a fat suit on the guy that they did cast, which I was already like that hurt like that made it just like that broke me for I will not lie for a long time, and it's weird because nothing like really breaks me like that. Like I'm usually especially auditioning and performing. I'm always like everyone has our opinion. My Gay Willcom I've always had that attude. That really stopped me from, like, auditioning for a really long time. I would do things here and there, but it just never felt good and I think also that kind of I think the reason why is because it's the only part I felt that would celebrate who I like, my specific talents, as my gender roles. HMM, you know, and now I think we're living in a world where not gender not conforming castings with having more of a thing. People are having more open minds to doing parts that are traditionally female, traditionally masculine and gender reversing them. So I'm getting like that feeling of like doing that again. I'm sorry, I forgot your original question. I just remember that one. Yeah, I don't know, and it's so doesn't matter because that is such an I talked a lot. I'm so sorry, I know, I love it. That's that's like it's it's kind of a dream come true to have a guest on who is good at talking, and especially because what you have to say is really interesting and it's funny how much like one not getting one part can change so much in our lives, like it can really really send us in a totally different, yeah, trajectory. It can send us in a totally different direction. It can like break parts of us that we thought were completely like unshatterable, that's a word. And then it can also create these like magnificent parts of us that we didn't know we're supposed to even arrive and, yeah, be a part of us. You know, like I was in theater two and I had a somewhat similar experience in that I mean not similar, but one that sent me in a weird direction and that I would audition for roles and I was just never going to get the engenue. was just never going to happen and I couldn't really see myself for myself, I guess. And so I kept either not getting the role because there were no other female parts, like either on Jenue or bust at that point, and everyone else in the play is a male or like maybe there's like a walk online for five seconds that has a woman in that role, but you know, they're just aren't that many parts. So, yeah, I would either not get a roll or the role I would get would be hyper sexualized or it would be a villain, and I was just like I'm not going to be able to make a career out of these roles. Yeah, there aren't that many of them. And then I was cast in Shakespeare. I was I was cast as Don John. I was like Dawn Don Juanidos what they ended up calling me. That's traditionally a man that plays that role. And then, of course they I was like cast. I was like a dominatrix version and it was awesome and it was super empowering, but at the time I was like really bitter about it because I was like I just don't understand what. Yeah, how am I going to possibly make any kind of living doing this and how am I going to achieve my dream if I can never be the leading lady? But that's what led me to burlesque, because I was like, Oh, I can be a leading lady and I can play whatever character I want to. I can be the Jinu if I want to. Frankly, it never comes off that way. Like I think the director saw something I couldn't. I think I just am not really gonna be the ONJINEU, but I can be the leading lady and if I'm going to be the villain, it can be in whatever way I want to. Yeah, you know. HMM, no, totally. I feel the same way about I mean, I haven't I still am like teeter tottering if I really do want to get back into stand up. I've been writing, but I haven't had like the real drive to go out and do it. But that was honestly the hair Spraye, my hair spray experience was what ended up getting me. Just made go to my first few open mics and start realising like, Oh wait, I'm center stage every now and then I stopped myself from like you are an aries and but yeah, I get to be center stage. I am Diana Ross. There's no other supremes. I get to control the narrative. I could control what I wear, how I what I say, what I feel. It's all me, it's all. I'm in control completely, and it's not like you just said, like even, like even when you bomb, like I had one of those like have you ever seen obvious child what Jenny's light? Yes, remember the scene when she's like she's drunk, stand up after her break up. Yeah, yeah, I went through something like that once and like you go, you're in, you're in, you're in that moment. You're drunk, you are literally yelling at one person because you saw them like just like the like check their phone for two seconds. But you're going through your own thing and you're in the middle of an you realize this is happening and I just you now are like I'm that character. I'm that character for that evening and we can't. If we stop now, it's going to be even worse. So just meet go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you what kind of I want to connect the dots for a sex so you went to school for theater and then you started doing stand up or like. How did everything lead? Like what's the pathway? How did everything so I went to the other thing. So I went to Columbia College Chicago. I'm originally from here, as I like to say, I am born fed, but not in bread, in Houston, Texas wholesome, and I went to Columbia College in Chicago for originally for theater, for like straight acting, and then my freshman year when I got there, they announced, and at some like at like mid semester, whenever they announced, that they are going that second city and which, if you don't know what second city is, second city is a very famous comedy theater and Conservatory Base Type School and is produced majority of the SNL cast. People like Joan rivers is come out of their Halle Berry is come out of the like major, Major, Major, major people come out of second city. It's it's kind of a waste of money, if I'm being honest, but a lot of famous people come out of there and still do, honestly, because seconds, seconds. So I don't know if you know this, but SNL has like auditions every like two years or every know, every year, and they go to the same theaters. They go to second city, they go to in Chicago, I think, they go to upright in New York, and then I think they go to what's the one in la the one that like Elvira came from? Whatever that theater is, they go they're like they always do that here. So fun fact. So they announced that they were my school and then were announced that they're coming together to make a comedy studies Major. And after my first like when I came into and I had no right to think this highly of myself based on like my high school acting, like theater time. However, I walked in there being like I'm richer, burden bowed out and I get but when I get there, all my acting teachers they're giving me like roles it don't really fit or whatever. But then when I really shine in my acting classes, as when they're like we want you to improfit character. You got to come. This is the story, this is the plot, this is what you're here your characters here for. Come as that character, and I of course, here's. I'm the very much the kind of person that, if you do not give me the assignment full out in front, I'm not going to do it. Probably, especially as a freshman in college, and most of all them, I came still drunk from the night before and not prepared, and then they would call me and I would just like think of something like right before the person would before me would go, which was always my luck, because someone would always went before me and I would just make up something on the spot and would always do well, always, and my teachers were always, always asked, what was your process, and I was honest. I said, to be honest, I forgot. So I just did this now and my final evaluations of like Freshman Mirror base or like you should do stand up, you should do comedy, you should try this. And so when they announced the major, I was like, okay, I'm going to switch over to this. I can always switch back to acting if I don't want it. It's still in the same major or technically, so you know, I'm still going to be taking the same classes essentially, just with some different a little difference. So I took like a few my first classes and I was like, Oh, I like this. And then part of this of the major is you spent a full semester at second city, like you do, like an Accelrat version of their conservatory program and there I learned, I really got it. was able to get into like the writing aspect and and the performance aspect of like straight comedy, not like comedic acting, plays type acting, and I realize like seconds city, the institution of it is not for me. But I did take away a lot of different things that I think I use in my like Instagram, even like Uh Huh, like the short little like how to just write something short and quick, like as like a caption that's like funny but gets the point. Yeah, like, you know, just little things like that. And also taught me how much I love stand up and I love soul performance too. So, yeah, that's where all that acts. You're so lucky that you had some professors that were like paying attention, yeah, and giving a shit, to put it in that way. For that they were like, instead of being like if you only applied yourself and well, yeah, that, they were like, Oh, actually, let's just go with with who they are and and suggest this route instead, like that's that's awesome, because, you know, I'll I think a lot of students get into theater that way, where it's like maybe you were the best in your high school or the best in your community theater and then you get to college and you like become a little bit of a different person and you're not necessarily actually right for what you thought you were. And then also drinking and party, yes, and downtown and whatever likes. And and also it's really hard to apply yourself to something that maybe you love and maybe is your passion, but maybe you're not supposed to do that thing, at least not right now. Yes, for sure, you know, like maybe down the road you're just meant for the role of a lifetime, but in that moment probably would be applying yourself to it differently, if that's if that's something that you really really want. But so text has I have to I have to ask, and it's so funny. What did you say like and Bra what? Born, born, Fed, but not in bread, which is so funny because for folks who have never been to Houston, it has some of the like most incredible fine arts. Some of my favorite museums are in Houston. But Nice, I guess, because we're situated in in Texas. My mic is falling a little bit here. We definitely have to have these like other disclaimers about, yeah, we are how much time did you spend in Texas? All my whole childhood I stayed it. I was Houston was home till I was nineteen. Okay, so you are AH, wow, hmm, and then you moved whenever you went to college. Yes, so Houston's a really, really big place to the part of Houston that you grew up. And were there other folks that were interested in the same stuff as you? I mean I'm assuming here that you've always loved, loved vintage things, been toach movies and culture and some sort of way, even if it wasn't like in a small way. Yes, I always have, always, always, always was very just like googling, you know s you know, and just see whatever comes up. You know, things like that. Yeah, I always have, and I had a lot of friends growing up. That was not like a problem. I was not a onely person, but in that regard I was very lonely. I had no one that was interested in the vintage, old movies. No one seemed, I would try, like towards high school, my friends were mostly all feed or other theater kids, and fun for us was just chilling at someone's house and if we weren't like watching and making fun of like a past show that we all did, like on the like the deep, like the whole DVD, which is so nerdy, know saying that out loud. I Love Oh, I love it too, because it's don't tell me if you, if you weren't a theater kid and acted like you never liked watched like the performances that were recorded. Your lie. You are beyond I don't know a single one that doesn't have their DVDs somewhere in their home. Yeah, we definitely watched our UIL performance and web still just furious that we didn't win that whatever particular year, that we couldn't believe that someone who did death of a salesman, of course when one, because it always does, and we did this thing no one's ever heard of, and how could we? The End. It's yes, always like that. It's always like that. See, I was really appreciated because my theater teacher and director at the time and high school, Hey Larry, he didn't believe in any of that. He so he never submitted our shows for that. So it was always like fun, like it took away like a competitive I'm honestly, I've never actually thought about what if we have that competitive element of our theater program Yeah, Oh God, I would have showed girl someone, if I'm being real. Oh my God, that would have brought out in ugly side, because I'm like secretly competitive. HMM, I'll never show. I'm very pageant. I'm very pageant. I will net you, I will smile, I'll be hat, I will be hot, I will be genuinely happy, but I'm but like, deep down, deep down, there's no matter how much you pretend it doesn't. Yes, Oh my God. Well, you know, it's so funny, though, like so many people that I talked to that ended up loving something, I mean anything, under belly, be like vintage stuff or for lust or punk rock or whatever the case maybe, was usually the only one in their high school. Thought was like yeah, we're like, well, maybe there was some other kid that they would see across, you know, campus, but like they never knew them and they were in a different grade or whatever, and you were always like, oh, you seem kind of cool. Yeah, in the future, you know, so many of us were like alone in that way. Oh, really particularly cool when you found your people later on. Oh No, totally. Like I had some friends who liked film, but like my world was old Hollywood. So and then, you know, you know high school film kids. You know, it's a little it's it's a little bit of like the like Im Afi top one hundred lists, like a little bit, but most of it's going to be like a Tarantino Fetish, you know, for a few years. You know, yeah, for like some really unwatchable but lovable, really bad stuff from the S. that's like, yeah, like tows the line of pornographic, you know, like I was like flitations. Yeah, yeah, like anywhere in that or like almost in a horror genre, but not quite. That was like, yeah, kids were in so though, like the ultimate pool kids are gentle like the ultimateically phone kids. Yeah, they knew our Gento in high school and I'd be like, I don't know him, but I I'm watching Audrey Hepburn, like, you know, I'm watching Elizabeth Taylor. But yeah, no, I agree with you. I because, yeah, I really was the only one that was like obsessed with movies and especially like like the iconic fingage cinema and the way that I was and I went to like my school was so small. My class at the time was the biggest graduating classroom. There was like eighty something. Oh Wow, like small, small, small, small. So the chances of me finding anyone our age that was gonna like anything on any level of mine was going to be slim to none. So I had to adjust, but I did have so my theater teacher, the one I mentioned, he is an old movie supreme buff and he and I he like like that Party when I would actually talk about movies and he would recommend movies to me, and it was like it was nice to have someone who like talked about, like I could talk about movies with and he recommended a ton of movies. Are My favorites to this day and he still is like I still bounce like movies off of them. Oh, that's cool that, yeah, know him and that Y'all still keep in touch. I wish I had kept in touch with my high school theater teacher, who I accidentally called Dad one time because I admire time. He was so cool and so like giving, you know, like he just really wanted everybody to succeed and was always like handing me a monolog that he thought, you know, maybe I would do well with or would need like right or whatever. That's what my Larry, that's what he would do. We had another teacher in the theater apartment that we called Dad, but it just to piss him off because he, like our school, took us on a class troop to New York and all the theater kids were like Dad, and he would just turn like says the middle streeting like people really think I'm your dad? Oh No, doc. Well, okay. So then I have to back up because I just got really super curious. I know that Marilyn was like what you wanted to be when you grew up at how did you get introduced to all the you know, all this technicolor life that you love so much? Like, what was it like? I I like to say I am eternally precocious and when I find something I am truly obsessed with, I stay with that and I try to find out as much about said thing because I want to know. I want to be a bit of a sump hole. And there I say, Oh, you dare dare I say so for me and I once again, it goes back. Marylyn to me is like a religious figure, because it's like I'm not only grateful for like her, like opening my like Third World, my third eye, whatever, third pie, yeah, third eye. I wantn't like I she introduced me to Betty Day this like once I got to all at all about eve and I saw Betty Davis, I'm like, Oh my God, like it got like Oh my God, the the reaction I first have when I saw Bettie Davis and all and when it's all about eve. When, if that any day, if you're out there and your first interactional Betty Davis is all about you, you understand why I'm talking about. It's truly like being likes. It feels like someone just pushed you out of an airplane and you're riding through and you don't know if you're going to make it out alive, but it's adrenaline rush you get. It is mesmerizing. Clouds are rushing by, yeah, you sure, angels are swishing around some way. Yes, and like rays of sun or mean while like to intensely and meanwhile you just hear past and yours see bouts, but like, yeah, it just like it's no bald and I became very like. Actresses have always been my leg how I discover new movie afternoon movies. So I would go through a Maryland face, then I go through a betty face. That I go through. All was the tailor face and a Joan Crawford face and a Judy Garland. Then it just like eventually and then it just started becoming, you know, more and more and more. Yeah, yeah, so I want to ask you, then, if you can talk about your podcast a little bit, because you have a vast knowledge and I want people to hear it because it's really cool. Oh, if y'all hear that, that's my dog crying, stretching. Are you okay, Bud? Maybe this is one tittle show break for an ad yeah, rolling around. Are you okay? I I am fine. I understand completely when I require with my parents and my two dogs, who are also dogs, suns, like, yeah, I guess they just make so many sounds. Yeah, they you're not sure which ones are. What do you need? You need something. Okay, can you hold that thought. will do for like an ad break in right here and then we'll pick it right back up. Let me go. Let me go. Yeah, she sounds good. You hear that sounding? Yes, okay, I'll be I'm sorry. No, you're good. Back from our ad break. Tell me about your podcast. How did you come up with this idea? So My podcast advantage millennial available on spotify and apple podcast. I came up with it Kinda as my revenge on not my friends not wanting to watch all the movies with me. That's honestly where that's honestly what it honestly what at its core, what it is? It's I myself in a different guests every week. Are What Bi weekly? The PODCAST IS BI weekly. A different guess comes on and we watch a film made nineteen eighty or earlier. The reason why is the cut off, because, since I call the show the vintage millennial, I am a millennial and millennials started the millennial a star in nineteen eighty one. So I figure, okay, let's do everything that comes before. Okay, okay, which unfortunately means we will never probably do mommy dearest, but you know, we but you know what, we have to live with the choices we make. Like that film, everyone in it has to live with that that they made that very Afric topical just I'm just trying to bring, you know, trying to bring I don't know, I don't know, bringing the bringing roll full circle. Yeah, I literally had a flailing moment. I just couldn't control my flails. And I try to cat think of something whitty, say, to capture. But no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't mind the decent like flail about now and then. Oh, yeah, you know, it's provides good hand. Yeah, it's. Oh my God, I'm Queer and Jewish. You Bet your life I have hand gestures day and I'm Italian, is yet or something. And and yes, Bossy and hurt Zego be and like hand hands are bar of it. I know, sitting, sitting in the podcast is funny because for the video version I really like try to keep my hands in my lap just a little bit instead of like fidgeting, and because mostly I'm scared I'm gonna knock my mic over, for sure. But yeah, so your podcast. Yes, so that's the wine together. Yes, that's a timeline. And then we get on the MIC. We break down the what we introduce the gas and get their background on old movies, with their connection, whether they're old movie buffs, cinephiles like myself, or they their grandparents showed them and they catch them old movie every now and then, but it's not like their universe or people who are just generally like I've never cared. It's never met. My thing either way, try to find a movie to talk about. With that I know I could have a conversation with said person and we talked about the facts and figures of the movie and then we like break down the movie and at the end of the day we talked about why or why not we would recommend the movie to a modern audience. And I guess like the mission statement of the PODCAST is, I think that films are the most vital. You know, it shows us where we are now, who we are then and what we could be in the future, and we can actually see this and hear it and how it makes our minds work and a way that and my personal opinion, I don't think any other medium does, and I think that a lot you know, film preservation, film acknowledgement. We it's not taught and it's not, I think, seen as something important, and for me that's kind of what I want my podcast to be. I want people to even if, like your you come on and you never watch an old movie again, at least you watch that and maybe you'll come back to it. Maybe if you're having a conversation with someone they mentioned it old movie, you can say, Oh, I saw this and maybe they never saw that movie and maybe they'll go out and watch it and then they'll actually like. For me, it's just like I just want to keep classic cinema alive and I consider myself the I like to call myself the Bimbo, Arm Chair movet movie critic. So it does just kind of how it came about. You know what it is, one of the things you were you were saying that like it's the medium that's able to do that the most. And I think one of the things that I love so much about classic movies, other than the Esthetics, I mean, Duh, bobby, but okay, aside from that, especially when we're looking at Fort S, is that it's really the acting style isn't really going to be able to happen again without it being referential. That heightened that that version of passion, that version of eyebrows mattering, like that version, you know, battering part, that particular style of acting. If you do it now, you're like, oh, okay, they're referencing a film, no more. or the reference right it, you know, they're referencing sunset boulevard or there even. I mean like it's always, what's the word I'm looking for, but it's it's it'll never be that way again. So it's cool watching those movies because you're like, this is a time capsule of an acting style that was completely pure within itself. Yeah, it's, you know, everything up until I would say sixty, like mid like mid S, everything was so escape this when it came to movies and movie acting in particular, and that's why that everything earlier, from like Misicg s onward, is so dreamy to me and so such an escape, because it's escape this. It's for your escape and your pleasure, and I love that styled acting. It is so over it can be historyonic and over the top, but there is a real art to that style of acting because you have to draw out emotion from not only yourself but from your audience, you know, and it takes a special type of person who could do that. And I'm not saying that there isn't wonders to what acting is today, which is really was started, and the new quote on what the new Hollywood of the late s like. I love that style of acting too, but they're, you know, the fantasy of it's a little God, you know, the dream world is a little gone. You know, everything's Real. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I feel like a lot of the movies that I watch now, everything is, I mean anything modern, almost everything is so real and even when you're trying to help you escape, it's still like just a little too like opening the cereal box and like pouring a cup of coffee reel, if that makes sense, as opposed to like sweeping down a staircase and a thing and and those characters feel real because the actors cared about their roles that they were playing. But like you got to just kind of fall into that world for a little while and not have to be whoever you are today. We're as like, I feel like movies I watch now, anything that I've been through that's been tough in my life, which they're been a lot of them, I'm like, Oh man, this is where the story is going to go. I don't feel like doing this. Yeah, like there can be an all honesty and an old film. There can be a widow in the film, which I've been widowed. There can be a widow and the in a film in the S and I'm like, Oh my God, I love her. Yes, absolutely, get it, God iss you know, like it like almost it helps you glamorize widowhood, which doesn't make any sense as a sentence. But now if I watch a movie about a widow, like, Oh God, I so don't feel like doing this today, like I am to do this for the rest of my life for you canting, I want to go like where are the robes? No, I completely get what you mean by like. It's being when you are in one of the most vulnerable, hardest places of your life and you see something that it's not what you're going they're not giving you what you're going through, but they're technically be like what you said, like a widow. I don't I've never seen a widow look like Sophielo rent in the black orchid. But well, but to be yes, yes, but like, yeah, I can imagine. I mean, I can't think of anything. I'm sure there's something like that on my end that's personal, that I can think of. But I mean, just because on that topic, I can imagine that there's a surge of power that like, okay, I can put on an eyeliner, I could put like there's something like if I don't know, there's something that could be really helpful to just see. Yeah, absolutely well, so then, since we're in this motivational realm, I wanted to ask you, because you said that like you had that goal of posting every day and you know you are have this ability to just glamorize yourself kind of pre petually in this really, really inspiring way. Like what motivates you? What is it that you like? What on your like just like uh days? What makes you go, okay, no, no, I really am gonna go ahead and do this, I'm trying. That's a good question. I mean, I think just because like kind of way I said earlier makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like there's something to God. That's real. That's really dark. It's it's not as DART. Okay, I'm going to this is very dumb. It's gonna sound very dark, but it's not as I'm good. I'm good. Life is good, but it's it makes things not as dark, if that makes sense. Yeah, likely, like life is life has meaning. When I put on her breath. Yeah, like I said rich, yeah, it gives me. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, it's like well, I look, if I run into a neighbor. Ever I've moved in. It's been almost four months now. Since I've been here and I will tell you I have not left the house once without like a face, an outfit, even if I'm going on like a walk in between my lunch break and I'm not going out again. I just do it because it's like it just feels good for myself. It just feels really, really good. And with Instagram, you know, I work from home and I finished the book of my work by the morning, so after noon I'm just sitting bored and to be able to just kind of like set up, put on that outfit, set up my ring light, pose, take the photo, find the bat are, get the background that I wanted and start editing, which all that takes like probably two hours to do, is like it's calming, like that's why I say like it's like my knitting, and I do, and that's why I do it every day. Like I it's very rare from me you don't get a post, at least on to day. Wow, it's always once a day. It's never more than that, but like it's very rare that you get you don't get a post to day. For me, that is so amazing that, like I admire that so much because I all like get super motivated and be like I'm going to do x, Y Z A day, I'm going to sing every day, or you know, like I'm at this point, I probably do sing every day, humming or whatnot, but the dedication of posting something every single day or doing anything like. I feel like as soon as my mind's EU rose in on it and I say I'm going to do it every day, is like the day that it's bound to not happen every single day. Yeah, that and right. So you know, I I I wanted to ask what what motivates you the most, like in terms of your confidence, like I know so now. I know like you have the everyday thing, but is there something that makes you feel confident even when you don't? I think I don't know question right. Confidence is a weird word. Well, it is, because I to be honest, I really do believe that confidence really just something you you have or you don't have. Like I really believe that, like it's just something like you have or you don't have. And I think that for some people they've had people that help them really build their confidence up. And have you had that? Have you had like mentors or people that like helped you helped you build, or are you just like self built? Not when I needed it. Now I do. Now I have that kind of support, mainly through that, this vintage instagram community, that week's online commediate. Yeah, no, I didn't really get that. You know, I'm twenty eight and you know, when I grew up, there wasn't body positivity. There wasn't there wasn't that talk. There wasn't the talk of how do you talk in front of children about bought? You know, I, you know, I had a very negative body image because everyone around me told me that my body was, you know, not, was unhealthy or was not, you know, wasn't you know what I always felt I could be. And I remember being fifteen, which is the age when everything really should feel the worst, but I looked in the mirrorals like, I don't know what everyone's talking about, I'm kind of hot and I love that. Yeah, and it's like always been, you know, a thing for a long time though, because, you know, again, wait, is a very you know, eat. We can say that. You know, people can say, you know, they see the difference between beauty and way, but most of the time you don't. A lot of people still not as much but like growing up, they really held onto that. So, you know, I always would try to my best, but no one would ever told me I look good. So I always kind of walk around. I think part of it's the confidence come comes from like I'm going to show you type of place, because no one I would in my mind always looked my best. Sure no one told me I was beautiful, no one told me I looked good or pay me a compliment. And then the last few years it's very lovely and nice and it comes it makes me feel very humbled because I do get like a lot of compliments now and I do get people telling me that that's something I didn't have and now I'm just kind of like, I think that that's build my confidence and I think in a healthy way. I'd like to thank because I'm able to walk around be like yeah, I am beautiful, I am great, and it's not based on instagram lights. It's based on, you know, it can be based on something that someone told me a couple months ago or it could be based on like, I don't know, just posting. I don't just posting for some reason makes me feel pretty. I cannot get as much like lights or comments or whatever, but for me, I'm like, I think I look cool. I don't know, I think that it's yeah, it's the act of doing. I was listening to something recently that was talking about like how part of the reason why we're not able to stay satisfied based on like, likes and and any kind of engagement, even comments at this point, is because our caveman brain, really happiness is sort of supposed to be fleeting in some way. It's a survival thing. Like if we could just like do one thing and then just become joyful over the moon, totally satisfied for the rest of our lives, then we wouldn't constantly be searching for like the next set of berries or you know whatever caveman thing we were supposed to do. So, yeah, okay, I would make a really bad cave man. I'm like, I'm so the berries in the ceramic. A minute, I realize that there is no nail salon. I would just I would just throw myself off the bridge. Oh Man. Yeah, like they didn't even have chapstick. Like I can't, I like I can't do without my stay on lips. My Lips get chapped if I don't have like a stay on every Y. Yeah, so, like what? Okay, they just didn't need it. That's the answer. Yeah, I guess. Good. What did the Chaplick ones do? Like I feel for them. I feel bad for every every cave person of the time because, oh my God, I want that on a t shirt. I feel bad for every cave person were t shirts, but if I did, I'd want it on one. But, yeah, it's supposed to be fleeting in order to help us survive. Yeah, but they were saying that, like there are more meaningful things that don't come from outside sources that can actually provide you for like a little bit more sustainable joy, a little bit more like a lasting and they were saying that, like your instagram post, like that's where the joy comes from. Like you did the thing, you created it. Yeah, you, I accomplished it out into the world. You accomplish something and anything that comes afterwards is like nobody deal anything that comes afterwards, saying, okay, you know it's not the and I will not lie, I will not act like I do not get pressed sometimes over likes. I will not I will not be that instagrammer that doesn't say that. Every now and then I have to have a talk with myself and say and ask, why is this really that important? And I think part of it is because, I will say, some of those edits are not are they take a lot of time and practice, a lot of energy, and when some thing like you work really, really you know this, when it I'm sure you've had this, but we've all have these poets where you work really hard on something and he put it on the world, hop thinking it's going to be like you, if it's not going to blow you up, it's going to blow you up for like a day or two and no one likes it and you're like, what's the problem? What's good, Miley? That's yeah, you get it's that attitude, but it come. But also at a certain point, like after like a few hour, an hour or two, I'm always like, you know what, it's not move on, move on with your day, it's not the end of the world. Get away from your phone, keep away from it for the rest of the day. Yeah, yeah, I like some birds or some trees. Yeah, or like go, go, go, do something else for a while. What? Watch the view? I have to let me tell you something. It's that. It's that. It's I don't know if I'm the only one, but like I have a show, like if there's one show that I literally grew up on and I don't really like watching it anymore, but like I been watching for so long I just I'd still do it's the few, it's the view. That's Martha Stewart for me. I hear you are the stewer any here, like we're talking like beginning, like her like house was some some strange like wooden beams at the top and a bunch of copper has hanging from it, like all the way to her modern instagram, like ig TV stuff. It's what I turn on when I'm like the world is dumb, yes, and I don't want to think about anything and I just want to hang out. I Martha Stewart's the one. Yeah, you know, I guess that. Watch her put oil on a chicken, like she's demonstrated how to put oil and linen on a chicken for years now. There are so many iterations and each one's figures about every time, just as interesting or as calming. I don't know if interesting is the right word, but calming. Yeah, Oh no, I get that completely. So this may seem like a really silly question after everything that we've talked about. So maybe I'm going to make it more specific. I usually ask people what inspires you, but like, okay, that's that's we know. We know what inspires you. That's so beautifully fabulously clear. So I'm going to get challenging and specific. Okay, what, like maybe top three movies have inspired you the most? What are the ones? Oh my God, Um, Oh God. Okay, okay, I'm gonna say no, No, I'm you're going to expose me for being super basic, for like this is very, very basic, but oh my God, I love it. No, but it I never I've suppressed it for so long until you ask. I would say maybe. Honestly, the biggest one for me influence connecting where I was in middle school to where I am right at this very, very moment. Honestly, watching Holly golightly and breakfast a tephany's was a big deal for me. It was seeing someone in that vintage world living this unrealistic but just stunning New York life and like she didn't have a lot, but she, like you knows, it was a beer life on a champagne art champagne life on a beer budget, excuse me, and just kind of being free and kind of I mean holly's careless and horrible and my opinion, and I am a very independent person. I like I like to think. I don't like to put people's feelings before and two perspective. I'm like Hollie, but like you know, I mean like I it really and you know now here I am. I'm living in New York and I'm in like I've made my little vintage house and this this one better ampartment, which I got very lucky with, into my little Glam House and I get to walk around New York and my little fabulous outfits and I feel that's part of I guess that's kind of part of where the confidence comes from. It comes from this feeling of like, okay, my if my young self could see me just walking on the street right now, not knowing that like I don't lie, I'm not really working the job I want, I'm not like in like the place in my life where I'm like I'm fulfilled, but if they saw me based on how I look, they be very happy. And that makes me feel like sense, it gives me a little sentimental like yeah, yeah, so I guess that one would be a big thing. Auntie name is a very big one. Just how her philosophy, that character's philosophy, of you know, life a banquet and most sons of bitches are starving to death. You know, I that's how it's like. You know, you gotta live life for yourself first. Selfishness isn't always the worst crime and I think that we have made selfishness are just the word, a thing that it shouldn't be. I think that it's very important to take time for yourself and I think there's something about antimame just being herself and not caring. It's like she's a like it comes off in these world is like selfish. But like what's the problem? Yeah, yeah, I mean I think sometimes in my life, whenever I'm feeling like lonesome in a challenge, hmm, I have a little thing that I say to myself, which is like own two feet, good night, own two feet, and it's not meant to like leave anybody behind me or leave anyone out necessarily or like not be grateful for all because, you know, I have a lot of support and a lot of love, all of that, but there's also something to be said for being like, you know, actually, I'm going to take care of myself on this one. Yeah, I'm gonna do what I need to do without harm to make sure that I'm good to go and to take care of myself. And I think that can be like maybe perceived as selfish now and then or perceived in whatever way, but honestly, that's not that's like that on them. It's like I can't control perception, but I can definitely control like that, to me, is more self care than like a bubble bath. Is Exactly. And I feel like auntiemame like she never conformed, and not conforming is, in a weird way, considered to be. It's not called selfishness, but in a way people act like it's selfishness to not conform, and you know, I relate to that a lot. Trying to think. Okay, a third so we got holly golightly. Call me basic, I dare you. It's fine, it's whatever, it's cool. Auntie, may my redeem myself on that one. And then asked me a movie. No, it can OK anything. Yeah, I mean, I asked movie, but like I don't care, there are no wells. Okay, Um, I was just about to say it was with Taylor and whose favorite and your Wolf, just to see what your reaction would be. That's my future. My future is Celia Cruise. Yes, I'm allowed to say that. But like my at some point I'm gonna put on a calf Tan, I'm going to put on huge earrings and just like a turban maybe, or just wrap my hair up and, yeah, cruise around through see. Oh my God, that was a terrible pun. You know, Celia crews the grocery store on your motor scooter. I cant. I hello. So sorry for that Pun, but yes, I'm here. I mean we all have we all have the ideal future self. Yours is interesting, but I get it. Oh, okay, the third one. I just looked right behind me. IRISHRIES. I'm funny girl. I think is well, because that character as a whole is someone I can really relate to. The person that grew up that didn't feel necessarily the most attractive person. The person I also related to like and humor was always like. I was always funny. That's always been my my armor. That's always been what shined the most about me. I've always been known for being funny and getting people to laugh like I can. I it's very rare or I can't get a little smile out of someone. Yeah, just a little, and that makes me very happy. And but it's also like a coping mechanism to in the way that she, that character, uses her humor. And on top of it, she's so Jewish, like she's just so ethnically Jewish, and that's something that I didn't really realize I was until I went to college and all my friends weren't Jewish, which was a first time for me, and I realized talking to them most like my experiences of as a as an American Jewish person, are very different and I ethnically am just am very Jewish, like. I can't hike that, and I love that about that character. She does not at him to hide that, and I feel like there's not I don't ever feel like I had to, but like I could, you know, I mean like I could have felt like that and a character like that, if I did feel like that, I saw a character like that, it might, you know, make me feel better. Yeah, well, on a lot of times, the things that society made us feel like we were supposed to hide and Tuck away and, yeah, be or appear or whatever the case may be, are the things that make us star or that make us inspiring to other people, or the things that set us apart because, like you said, people, you know, conforming is like people's comfort zone. So it's, you know, we get told to Tuck those things away, whatever they may be, but it turns out that's usually the thing that just makes you so incredible and so rad and so exciting to be around. And usually the ones that tell you to Tuck that away are insecure about something or scared of something or totally boring. Yeah, all say that all people boring. The Jill them for by Bor Oh my God, back clip of Lindsay Lohan is a little bit. Yeah, I'm so B well so actually, I just want to ask you ten thousand questions. I promise I won't make you talk for the rest of your life, even though I want to. But Elizabeth Taylor made me think of the fact that that is still one of my favorite biographies I've ever read. was about Elizabeth Taylor. Do you is like, do you have any books that you recommend? Is Reading your jam? If not, that's totally cool, but I just always love a good list of books. If possible. I books, book, spoke books. I you know, it's funny. I Love I love by agraphies. This has nothing to do with anything we've talked about today this person, but my favorite book I read this year was Mariah Carrey's memoir. I have to read that. Oh don't. Okay, if you like audio, listen to it on audio because there's parts of the book that she actually sings. Yeah, it's in. It's one of the best audios I've ever read. Yeah, well, I guess read. It's in. It's her life is wild. I'm trying to think old Hollywood wise. I just started reading a book about the MAKEWITZ brothers that I am interested to keep reading. I just downloaded Al Vira's memoir that I'm there. I'm mostly putting the Magaw's brothers one a side because I'm like, this is a virus, this is important and she just came out, so like this is really important. I God bless her. Yeah, yeah, she really is someone who I think a lot of us look up to, you know. I mean she created a character that is hers and uses it for the world and she's been going forever. Like not to like ager, but it gives everyone else hope. You know. Yeah, it has a very specific style and stamp, like a stamp like you look like. I can look at like an Alphite, I'll be like, oh, that's like you, or like this is something like it's easy to figure out, you know. Yeah, yeah, it's. I've always been amazed to the fact that she was able to take like the other incredible icons like, you know, Vampira and and more Tisha and, I guess, all of their names and the money. Yeah, yeah, well, Super Lily, well, okay, okay, there we go. And those were so clearly them as well, except that she took all of them and then like rolled it up into this even sexier package and even funnier and even smarter and even like, yeah, like spookier and a completely just more intense, cartoonish spooky way. Yeah, they had already done and now she just gets to totally own that. Well, in that and she, for me, when I talk about like comedy idol, she is very high up there because I, you know, my stand up was all based around me getting up, being very dull, very vintage, and then getting up and just being myself, which is innately very like I have. My interests aren't really of our time, but the way I speak, the way I present myself, the way I talk like that, it is very like a person my age living in my day and time, and I always felt connected to tell Vira and that for that, because her look is so goth and sleek and like dangerous, but when she opens her mouth she's a valley girl who's like scared of spiders. Like yeah, it's fact, like that's the comedy, like it's like this beautiful package presentation that bins its mouth and you're like, Oh, this isn't Huh. Yeah, I might need some and might need some talking lessons, because even though I don't perpetually speak like I came out of the S or s or whatever, everyone small the word Rad will pop out all yeah, I say, group Rod is not of the Times. I have some catching up to do, because why say like that's like the most I say. I'll text people groovy and they'll be like what, I might groovy and they're like how old are you? I'm I'm just like and just live it. It just just thriving, man. Yeah, we do. Dude, I'm dare. I was so happy actually, when you texted me groovy today. I was so happy because, you know, like my parents are Showbiz folks as well, of the way they're in this like they there. Their roots are in this kind of s Austin cosmic country world. And so when I placed my dad's stuff at the country Music Hall of fame and I went through all their letters to each other, which are hilarious, by the way, like since of humor. Oh my God, a bunch of Texans that move to Austin to like get high and make music. It's some of the funniest stuff I've ever read. But yeah, like you know, they would say groovy and yeah, all that lingo was was for real. So when you said groovy today, I was like, one of my favorite one of my favorite books is caught is love Janis. It's Janis Choplin sisters book about Jas Choplin, and it's filled with all the letters that she wrote to home and all her personal because that was something I learned about. One thing that's really interesting about Janis Choplin is that she constantly wrote to people, and people at that time it was so wild because that was considered to be so of the parents time to write. Yeah, and she wrote. I like her family. She went front, like she also all these letters and just the way that she would speak and the the language, the amount of man like at the end of like it's so I love that time and she came from that era. Well, yeah, a little earlier than that, but yeah, yeah, but awesome letter I found where Ray Benson, who's from a sleep at the wheel, wrote my Dad when my dad got cancer for the first time and he writes this letter and it's totally heartfelt, but he might as well have said, I don't remember how he puts it, but he might as well have said like this totally sucks, dude, because they're in their late twin. He's yeah, and you know it's a heavy, heavy thing, but they've never really encountered that before. Yeah, it's like this totally sucks, man, what a what a drag, you know, and it's like, I just I love those s letters like that. So, so, so much, far out. It's far out. Well, like I said, I could, I could do this for like a million years, but I won't do that to you. But you'll just have to come back on if you want to. I would love to thank you for having me please. I need to have you on my now. I would love to just go balls on my on my dance for now. WHOO please, we'll have one more question before we go, as out a planny of time for us. Okay, because because this is one of the questions I I'm asking everyone, which is, what would you say to people who are aspiring to be something like especially because so many people are changing their pivoting their careers right now, and you have been a big inspiration to me, just flat out, and I know that you can inspire a lot of people with the cool stuff that you're up to. So what would you say to somebody who's aspiring to be something or accomplish something each day, or whatever the case may be? Go with the flow. Your time will come. That is my mantra. Go with the flow, your time will come. Time, I have a very set in my head that I'm going to rule the world, but leave it. But it won't be to some twenty eight now, or, as I like to say, twenty five. For the third time, I will be my plan is God. Well, now it's reported, so here it goes. This is my plan, but this is how I will this how I present. I'm twenty five, two thirty and three five two forty, I'm and then once I'm forty, just we don't speak about it. What about if that's just because what happens at forty is like so incredible, Whoa can't even put it into words? Well, so, I that's kind of part of the reason, because I've always said I'm going to hit big in between between thirty five and forty. It's not now I've alway because when I was younger, I, like I said, I was always compared to like harvey fire scene and I was always given the father roles in high school and I always always told to play the older person and it just it just I realize it's like okay, that I take that as a universal sign that my time is not going to be when I'm young. Are when I'm like show busy young, shall I say, but it's going to be when I'm more settled with myself and I think that's going to be even better. So, yeah, so, but like I'm so anxious for that day to come that I have to always say to myself, like go with the flow, your day will come. I truly believe my day will come. If you out there are a dreamer like I am, like you are and truly believe that you're going to own the world one day your time, but you're anxious about it. Just let go. There's nothing you can do about it right now. Just keep doing your thing. Your time will come. Just keep working at it and keep exploring. You know, there's so many things. You know, I was so sad about stand up being my I ultimate end, all end. I'll be all but then I, you know, over quarantine. I really you know, I don't know if that is really it, and you know that's fine. That's fine, I can come back to it. I'm working on so many other things right now that you know, I'm exploring and I'm seeing them. We're all young and, you know, trying to figure it all out. So yeah, chill, chill, Jill, Jill. That's really the advice. Just chill. I love it. Well, again, thanks so much for hanging out with me. And where you're setting out. How can they find you? How can everyone find you? So you can find me on instagram. I am at them underscore fatal on there, and then I am on Tick Tock and twitter, at them on at them fatal ninety three. And if you are would like to listen to my podcast that they did millennial podcast, the old movie podcast for a modern audience. You can check that out on spotify and apple podcasts and follow us on Instagram at the vintage millennial podcast with a bunch of underscores in there. HMM, I'm so used breath, honestly, at this point, I'm so used to doing it it just in my it's robot it's robotic. I'm like, okay, I'm count three, one too, and you can follow me here here. It's just like you got it down. Yeah, well, thanks again. Thank you for having me. This has been so much fun. Oh, you're welcome, and let me know when you want me to come on all. Yes, we got numbers. Now we will tax at the think of AK. Send me a list of movies that like, you haven't seen yet but you want to that just fit in with that time period. Doesn't have to be anything, and I'll pick and I'll surprise you with it. Oh my God, like the day I I'll be like, we're watching this, okay, okay, yeah, I have an assignment after that. You don't get after that. You got to lay back and just watch the movie. I'm the one. I'm the one who has a type. Oh well, knowing my analytical brain, I'm going to have like notes and I'm going every vintage old movie person has come on to the podcast, or just movie person in general, comes with the notes. I'm there, I'm right, I'm ready for it. All the time I'm like, let's hear them, let's go. Fabulous, okay. Well, thank you, I'm talk to you see. Bye. That's it for this episode of made of Star Dust. Thank you so much for tuning in. This podcast is supported by listeners like you. If you want to get exclusive access to behind the scenes content and all the fun goodies, go to Jolly goodnightcom podcast. Every contribution helps to keep this podcast shooting for the stars. Thanks for your support and we hope we've inspired you today. Take me to then,

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